I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
