i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
