I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
