That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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