Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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