I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
