She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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