You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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