Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
