i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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