Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
