It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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