dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
3 2 1 whiskey
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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