I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
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i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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