I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
