party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
