I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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