i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
