You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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