wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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