I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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