that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
