It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You've changed since you got that strap on
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
