Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
