my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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