Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
