I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
