she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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