so explain again why im purple
no
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
