You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
