My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
