finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Houston, we have a squirter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
