I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
