is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
