is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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