if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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