I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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