her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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