shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
