I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
