I cockslap morals
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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