I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I still have a little drunk in my system
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
