And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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