k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
