who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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