If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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