Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
