im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
