Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
