so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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