True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
