oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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