So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
