Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
