Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
