Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
