i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
