dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
