OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
