There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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