The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
