If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
