I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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