Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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