i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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