Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
