went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
