Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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