You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
