was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
