You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
