ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
