Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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