Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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