areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
