he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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