It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
