I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
