I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
