Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
