he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
