just tell him i said nine months
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
