dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
