Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
